爱是一切的答案 我们到底为什么会爱上另一个人？

aishiyiqiededaan,zaiwomenbeixunwendaoxiaihuoshiaiwomenrujindeairendeyuangushi，henduorendoushihuiyiliankelianerqieshouzuwucuodeshuo：“wobuzhidaoshizenmehuishini。”keshiniyaoxixinxiangyixiang，weiherenhaimangmang，weihezainilejiedeneimeduorenqunzhong，nipianyaohuitiaoxuangennideairenzaiyiqini?neimeaishiyiciyicidelunhuiyounaxieni?xiamianjiugensuixiaobianyiqilaikankanaishiyoududedewenzhangba。

meiguohaolaiwuaiqingpiangaozhidajiashuo：“loveisblind.(zhenzhengdeaiqingmangmugenfengde)”

keshixinlixuezhuanjiaduinishuo：“ganqingbudanbingbushimangmugenfengde，bingqieshishifenkeyibiaoshude。”xiangtingguodezuibaqiceloudeyijuxinlixuezhuanjiashuoguodehuabianshi：“tellmewhoyoulove,andi’lltellyouwhoyouare.(genwoshuoniaishei，woyenengduinishuonishisheiya。)”

jinrigenniyongzuikexueyanjiudexinlixueyuanlibiaoming，dajiadaodishizenmehuimishanglingyigeren。

dajiadaodizenmehuiaishangyigeren

1.dajiameiyigerendouqidaijiandaokeguanxingdejiandaozishenzaizheigequanshijiecunyou

nathanielbrandenzhuanjiajiaoshou，yingguozuijiechudekexueyanjiuzizunxin(self-esteem)dexinlixuezhuanjia，aishiyiqiededaan,shineiyangbiaoshude：rutongdajiajiandaoquanbuwupinyiyang，dajiaqidai“jiandao”zishenyeshizhenzhengcunyouzaizheigequanshijiede。zheiyi“zhenzhengcunyou”dehuaxuewuzhifangshidajiafeichangrongyijiandao，youyudajiazhibixuzhaojingjiuhaole。dajiawangwangneimaxiaikanjingzhongdezishen，henzhongyaodeyigeyuangushi：yushijingzinenggoushiwomenzaiguannianfangmianganshoudaozishendekeguanxianshi。

keshiyouyibufendezishenshiwomenwufaliji“jiandao”de，zheiyiyibufenbianshidajiadeshengming。dajiadeguannian、jiazhiguannian、xinnianzheixiewupinnenggouzaimouzhongyiyishanggenjudajiasuohuodedezaojiuhuodefanying，lirudajiahuadeyifuhuahuoshishejifangandeyidonggongchengjianzhu，keshidajiadequanbushengmingquemeifazaizheishijiezhongyishitixiandefangshichengxianchuqu，tashishiwomenshifenzaodongbuandeshier。

neidajiadeshengmingyaozenmecainengxiangbiedezhenzhengcunyoudehuaxuewuzhiyiyangbei“kandao”ni?

jinyougenjulingyigegendajiayiyangyoumudecunyouderen!zheigerenjiarukeyi“kandao”dajiadeshengming，erqiegenjugendajiadehudongjiaoliu，batamenyanlikandaodeshengmingfanshemianrangwomen，dajiajiulejiezishendeshengmingyeshixiangquanbubiedezhenzhengcunyoudewujianyiyangshinenggoubeikandaodele。yejiushishuo，taren，rutongyimianjingziyiyang，nenggouzhaodaodajiadeshengming。erdajiabixuneiyangdeyushijingzi，caikeyijiandaozishendeshengming，zhenzhengdecunyouyuzheishijie，rutongdajiazhaojingdeqingkuangxialejiezishenderentishizhenzhengcunyoudeyiyang。

2.xinlizhuangtaiyoucikejianxingbiaozhun(theprincipleofpsychologicalvisibility)

nathanielbrandenzhuanjiajiaoshouqiangdiao，dajiawangwanghuizhangjiudeaishangyigeren(duanzanxingdesuanbushang，youyuduanzanxingdehenyoukenengshiyouyuyixiebuzhengquedeyuangu)，shizhishangshiyouyutamingquetichude“xinlizhuangtaiyoucikejianxingbiaozhun”。rutongyimianjingziyiyang，jiarunideshengmingzhenshidebeiyigerenkandao，niyejiuhuimishangzheigeren。ruguonifajue，jiarutarenkandajiademuguanggendajiaxinlingshenchuzuizhenshidezijiduizishendeguandianshiyizhide，erqietamengenjutamenduidajiadeyantanjuzhi，zhuyaobiaoxianchudajiadezheileilejie，dajiabianhuiyouyizhongshenshendidebei“kandao”dejuede。

aishiyoudude，jugeshili。zuixiandajiajiadingjinixiangduixingwanshandexinlizhuangtaihejiaoweiqiadangdeziworenshi，suihounijuedezishenshiyigekailang、xinggekailang、duirichangshenghuochongmanjiqing、yingyongerqieshifenzixinderen。cikenipengdaoleyigexiaoji、fengbishi、meiyoujiqingerqieshifenbuzixinderen。tahuijiangnidexinxinshizuoshiyizhongjingong，erqieduiniquanbushuodehuahezuodeshierdeyongyizaochengcaiyi，zongganjuenixuyaokongzhita，zheigeshihouninengshishatihuini?nihenyoukenengganjueyihuo、yihuoerqiebeishenshendidewujiehebubeilijie。huanyizhongzhuangkuang，ruguonishifenxinxindebiaoshuzishen，suihoulingyigerenmashanglejielenidexinxinhetanran，duinihuixinyixiaoshi，tarangnidetihuiyoushishenmeni?ninengganjuezishenbeita“jiandao”le。zhei，bianshidajiachangshuodebeikandaodejuede。

haiyouyigedajiahuilianrenlingyigerendeguanjianyuangu：genjuaizheni，wokanjianlezishen。

zaiwomenpengdaoyigexiangdajiasuogan，fajuedajiasuofajuede，zhenxidajiasuozhenxide，zaibuyiyangdeqingkuangxiadefanyingyegendajiatongyangderenshi，dajiabudanhuiganshoudaoyizhongmingxiandeqinqiegan，bingqiehuijuededaogenjuzheigeren，dajiakandaolezishen。ruguonifajuequanbujiedingnishisheiyadezheixiexinnian、jiazhiguannian、zhiliang、tedianhegerenxingweihuizailingyirendeshenshangdouzhuyaobiaoxianchuqushi，ninengyouzaitadeshenshangzhongrenchulaile“zishen”dejuede。zheiyeshiweishenmedajiazhaoxunzaishizhishanggenzishenleisideren(dajiahuizaihoumiantidaohuxiangxiyinzhudexiangfuxiangchengzheigewenti)。

zaijugeshili，jiadingnishiyigeduigaozizunxin、ganjuemeiyigerendoutianmanwujintezhi、ganjuezishenderenshengdaolutianmanwuxianqiannengerqiejuedezheishijiehuiduinideqinfen，jinenghecaiqizuochuhuiyingderen。aishiyiciyicidelunhui,ruguonipengdaoleyigeyiyangjuedezheishijieshiyigehuiduitadequanbuqinfen、jinenghecaiqizuochuhuiying、gaozizunxin、erqiejianxinzijidewujingailvderenshi，niyoujuyizhongzhongxindeshangxi，erqietadeyijuyidongdoushihuitishiniziji：zheizhongtadeshenshangde，quanshiwofeichangaixideguanyuwomenzishende。