一生只爱一人吗？爱我就该懂我？

yishengzhiaiyiren，dangchuyouyishouguangweiliuchuandeyinle《qishinibudongwodexin》，changchuleduoshaorendexinlihua。dajiadouqidaiyouyigekeyimingbaizishendelianren，keshi“dong”jiujingxiangpipeizhenaxiedeshijineihan，erqieyouzheijuhuayanshenchuqudejiaofa，liru“zaihunide，hebijiang，bumingbaiwode，hekujiang”，neiyangdejiaofashifouhuizaochengqizhaganqingdehenyoukeneng?dajiahebushizheshuoyishuo。neimeyiyangaizheniyounaxieni?xiamianjiugensuixiaobianyiqilaikankanyiranaizhenidewenzhangba。

zaiwomenqidaiyigerendongzishendeqingkuangxia，dajiabuyouzizhuqidaitamingbaidajiadeyiqie，keshizheiyi“yiqie”doubaokuoshenmeneihanni?womenkeyicongzheisangefangmianlaiduidai：1xintai;2renzhinengli;3xiwang。xintaipianxiangdeshishixia，renzhinenglishigenjuwangrigongzuojingyanduishierzaochengdelejie，erxiwangshiqidaichanshenghuotiaoxuandegerenxingwei。zheiyi“yiqie”jiubaokuoleyiwang、shixia、jianglai。erjinyouxintaishishixiade，shinenggoubeilingyifangbuhuohelejiede;renzhinenglishigenjuyiwangdegongzuojingyan，shinanyibeilingyifangrenzhide，jinyouzaibicixiangyaogoutongjiaoliudeqiantitiaojianxia，renzhinenglicaiyoukenengzaiyidingshuipingshangbeilejie;keshixiwangjiugengweiwufarenzhi，yinweitachedishixinlideniantou。

dajiahebucongzheisancengmiankaizhanlunshu。

1了解另一方的心态:

xintaishirenmenxianyoudeqinggantiyan，huanle、youshang、naonu、chayi、cankui，pingchangrendoushihuijuyouzheizhongqinggantiyan，tashidajiabenzhitihuidewaizaitixian，shiwaixiande，nenggoubeichajuede。yinci womenkeyicongbierendemuguang、lianbuqingxu、zhitidongzuozheixie，fenbianbierenchuzainaxiedeqingxuzhuangtaizhong。baozhengxintaishangde“dong”feichangjiandan，liru：ta/tameitoujinsuo，dayuebianshibukaixinle;ta/talianjiafanhong，toudingbuweidi，kenengshixiusele;ta/tanumuyuanzheng，jiulejieshifennule。

zhengyouyudajiameiyigerendoushiyouzheileixintaiganshou，yishengzhiaiyiren，jiashangxintaijuyouyigeguanjianyaosu：waixian，yinci dajiafeichangrongyilejielingyifangdexintai。dahuoerdui“dong”dejichuguidingyefeichangrongyihuodekaolv。ziran，lijingdutexunlianderen，lirujingyuan;huoshibenshenkongzhilijihaoderen，nenggoubaozhengtairanziruo，nenggoubazijidexintaiyanzangdejiaoshen，neimayibanrenbianhuinanyijianbietadexintaishifahuo?danxin?jiaolvqingxu?huanshiningjing。yinci jiaruqidailingyifang“lejieni”，neimaniyejiuyingdangxianbiaoluchunidexintai，jiarunishenzangbulou，lingyifangshihenhuisenandongnide。

dahuoerbaozheng“lejiexintai”xiangduixingjianyi，yinci jiuyouxierenqianyishidibazheilei“dong”deguidingtisheng ，liru“nidoulejiewoshengqile，zenmekenengbuqingchuwoweishenmefahuo?”。keguanshishishi，baozhengjianbielingyifangdexintai，zhiyoulejie“e，ta/tashengqile”“e，ta/tayoushangle”，keshiduiyuta/taweishenmefahuo，weishenmeyoushang，neimejiuqianshedaogengjiashenrudeyiceng。jiuhaosiyixienanxinghenmimangdishuo“wokandaonihenshengqi，erwoqueshibuqingchuniweishenmefahuo”，neimajiubixujinyibulejielingyifangxinliderenzhiguocheng。

2了解另一方的认知能力：

lejielingyifangderenzhinengli，jiubukeyizhishizixiguanchajiejuele，youyurenzhinenglibingbushirenmenxianyoude，zhishijubeigerenchayide。dajiadeqizhileixing、shenghuohuanjing、wenhuajiaoyushuizhunjunbuyiyang，yingduiyiyangdeshier，meiyigerenhuigenjuyiwanggongzuojingyanzaochengbuyiyangrenzhinengli。

congchanshengyijianshidaojieguoshizheibanzhuanbiande：

exingshijian——benrengenjuwangrirenzhinengliduiexingshijiankaizhanbiaoshu——zaochengtihui——fuzhuxingdong(biaoshuxintai)

tongyiexingshijianzaibuyiyangderenyoubuyiyangdejieguo，guanjiansuozaimeiyigerenduiexingshijiandebiaoshubuyiyang。

liru：nvyourangnanyoubangtatibao，zaoshounanyouhuijue。

nvhaier1dexinlizhuangtai：

wangrirenzhinenglihexinxin——“aiyigerenhuiweitatibao”

genjurenzhinengliduiexingshijiandebiaoshu——“laikantabugouaiwo”

zaochengtihui——caiyi、mengpiangan、shangxin

fuzhuxingdong——ailibulihuoshichizemaiyuan

nvhaier2dexinlizhuangtai：

yiwangderenzhinenglihexinxin——“nanrenkenweinvrentibaobiaomingtahuizhaoliaoren”

genjurenzhinengliduiexingshijiandebiaoshu——“laikantaburongyizhaoliaoren”

zaochengtihui——danyou，shangxin

fuzhuxingdong——ailibulihuoshichizemaiyuan

junzhuyaobiaoxianweiailibulihuoshichizemaiyuan，keshiduiexingshijianderenzhinengliquechedibuyiyang。

lejielingyifangderenzhinenglijiuxuyaozhangwotadexinxinhejianjie，laidaozheiyibu，yaobushishifenzhangwolingyifangdefazhanziranhuanjing、jiatingqingkuang、xinlifazhanqushi、gexingtedianjiqilijingdeng，shinanyifenbianyigerenderenzhiguochengde。yinci jiaruba“dong”tigaodaozheiyibu，neima“ai”jinjinzouruyigerendedongji，keshi“dong”shibixuyigeshifenyouzhangdezhangwoquanguocheng。“aizheniqueshibuyidinglejieni”。

3了解另一方的希望

jiarushuobaozheng“lejielingyifangderenzhinengli”zaikaolvchongzudeshijianhegoutongjiaoliuyihou，nenggouyidingshuipingzuodaodehua，lejielingyifangdexiwangjiugengnanle。lianaizhong，dajiachangshuode“shuoaiwo，niyejiuyingdanglejiewoxiangyaoshenme”。cikede“dong”jiulaidaogengjiashenruyigecengji，neibianshi“lejielingyifangdexiwang”。

xiwang，shirenxinliduofangmiandeyaoqiu，shipianxiangjianglaideyaoqiu。tahenyoukenenggenjushijichanshengdeexingshijian，yehenyoukenengchediyushixiaexingshijianbuxianggan，shironghelewangrirenzhinenglijiqigerentedian，shinanyibeibierensuoxiangzaoshoude。jiarubeigaofangbuyongshuo，bierenshinanyizhangwobeigaofangdexiwangde。yiyangnashangbiandeshili：nvhaier1dexiwangshizheiyinanrenshishandaizijide，nvhaier2dexiwangshizheiyinanrenshihuizhaoguhaozijide。

keshizuoweinanren，yidingshiyitouwushuide，ganjuezheiyuaihezhaoliaodoumeiyouguanxi，jinjindananrenzhuyizuoguaihuoshiyouyuzishendexinxinnantidaozhibugaoxingzuozheijianshiqingeryi。

yiyangaizheni,shijishang，nvrenneixinshilejiede，zheigerenbutaikenengchedizaihuni，danshiweishenmetamenhailezaiqizhongdiba“shuoaiwojiuyingdangzaihuni”zuoweikoutouyuni?dajiachangshipouxiyixiayuangu：

1文化艺术下的腼腆

zhongguochuantongwenhuadehenduonianchengchuan，zaiqizhongzuizhongyaodeyitiaoduinvrendeguidingbianshi：sancongside。nvrenyingdangzuodeshizuncong，erbushiguiding。jiranbukeyitiguiding，neimanvrenweiyideqidaijiujiyuzaishenbianderennengjijikaolvzishendexinliguiding。ruguotazhidaozishenyaoxiangnaxie，neimazishenjiuwuxu”maotianxiazhidabuwei”laikaolvzishenle。

2显露有风险性

yiranaizheni,zidajiejuelegushihoumenbudanghubudui、jiezhuancailiqiandelijieyihou，dangdaidejiazhiguannianduinvshiyouzaijiashanglexindeshufu，neibianshi“ganqing”。yuaiqingyouguandeshidexushuyizhijiangaiqingdingyiweilingjiayuhuaxuewuzhiyishangdeyizhongjingshenzhuiqiu，shichuncuide、bushiyanhuorenjiande。jirangaoguohuaxuewuzhi，neimazhiyaoshitidaoyuyiqieyuhuaxuewuzhixiangguandewupin，jiushi“suwu”。nanrenmenyeshidanxinnvrenhuaxuewuzhi，zheicongdajiaduizheimeduoniande“wuzhinv”dedichukejianyiban。