北大女生自杀背后：如何避免被扭曲的“爱”伤害？

 zuijin，beidanvshengbaolizishashijian，zaiweiboshangyinqilejiliedetaolun。yizhangzhanglingrenbuhanerlideliaotianjilu，yigemeilideshengmingjiucidiaoling。

 moulinhanyeshuoguo：“wobuyunxubierendongguowodenvhai，buguanshicongqian、xianzai haishiweilai。”dandaliangdeliaotianjiluhemeitibaodaoquegongkailezheiyangyigeshishi：zaizheiduanlianqingzhong，chongchizherengegongji、jingshenkongzhi，jiyoudaoqiduishentishangdezhongzhongshanghaixingwei。

 zaizheiyichangfengbaozhong，zhenglunzuiduodejiushi，zheimeyouxiumeihaodeguniang，nanyoudouzheiyangcanrendiduidaitale，weishenmetahaibulikai？

01

用爱包装的精神控制

baolimuqincengshuo：“moulinhanxianqinverbushishaonv，youbuyuanyifenshou，suoyizaijingshenshangzhemota。”

 zailiaotianjiluzhong，moulinhananshibaoli：yaoyongjinyiqieliqi，weitafangxiayiqiezunyan，jichuquanbudeai，taxiwangzaizijifapiqideshihou，baolinengdongdefuruan，bushiheta“chenshushishi”，ershiyao“yongjinyiqiebanfarangwobuyaoshengqihuonanguo，zaiwoduinishuofenshoudeshihouyongjinfangfaqiuwobuyaofenshou，rangwozhendexiangxinnizhendebunenglikaiwo，zhendexiangxinnishiaiwode。”

moulinhanyizhiguanshujibaolizheiyangyizhongluoji：“yinweiwoaini，suoyiwokongzhini。”

shishishang，liaotianjiluzhongtongguozhize、biansunhemanmadengfangshilaishixiandejingshenkongzhi，zhengshiqinmiguanxizhongdeyizhongbaoli。

zaizheigeshijianzhong，yinqizuiduoguanzhudedianjiushi，jingshenkongzhiweishenmerangrennanyilikai？

02

分不了手的隐情？

jubaolimuqinhuiyi，youyicinverwenziji，tongxuedenanyouyinweifenshou，jiunaozisha，nijuedeneigenvshengyinggaizenmeban？

muqinyiweishibierendeshi，jiuqingmiaodanxieshuolejiju，danmeixiangdaozheiyangdeshijingranjiufashengzainvershenshang。

 zaimoulinhandejueduikongzhiquanxia，meicibaolishuoyaofenshou，tadouhuiyisixiangbi。zaihoulaideyici，baolizaicitichufenshoushi，tazhongyutongyi。

 dantadekongzhibingmeiyoujiucitingzhi，meiguoduojiu，baolideshoujizhongshoudaolemoulinhandeyuyanhongzha，chongchizhemanmahewuru。bingzaiciyangyanzisha，jiangyizhangfuyongguolianganmianyaodezhenduanshupaijibaoli。

 shihou，quebeiwangyoubachuweizaodexiweizhengming。yezhengshimoulinhandecici“zisha”，rangbaoliquexinleziji“shigemeiyoujiazhidenvhai”，shizijide“buzizhong”zaochengleduifangdetongku。

 duiyuyigenvhailaishuo，ruguofenshoushiyinweizijibuhao，yinweizijiduiduifangzaochengdeshanghai，zheizhongshenshendezizeheneijiu，huibianchengbufenshoucaishiduiduifangderenci，fouzezijishicanrende。

 zaizheizhongluojizhixia，fenshoubianchengleyizhongduitarendeshanghai，yigerenjiuhuiyinweishanliang，xuanzebufenshou，yinweizheiyangjiubuhuishanghai。

eryigerenrangbierenchanshengshenshendezize，qishishiyizhongweixiehekongzhi，danshihenduonvshengshimeiyouyishidaozheidiande。

03

如何避免被扭曲的爱伤害？

1、提升自尊水平

duiyubierendekanfa，womenchangchangshenxiantongkuwufaziba，wangwangshiyinweiwomenxinzhongduizijimeiyouyigeqingxiderenzhi。

 youyushangqiemeiyouxingchengneige“haodeziwo”，suoyidangpipingdeshengyinchuxian，womendeziwojiuhuiposui，duici，changshiduotingpengyouduizijidekanfa，guanzhuzijideyoudian。 qinggannantihenxinlei？10skuaisushenqingqingganzhenduan！

womenyigehendadetongkulaiyuan，jiushizaimoshihuadebiaozhunzhong，buduanbijiao，yayilefengshengerzhenshideziji。

zhengruzuojiakaluoer·deweikesuoshuo：

 “tamenzongxiangquyuebieren；buyuanbaoluzijidequedian；renweibuwanmeihendiuren；ruguozuobuhaomoujianshi，jiuhuichedifoudingziji；kanzhongjieguo，hulveguocheng，jiangshibaidangzuohuimiexingdaji。”

bimianshenxianziwohuaiyi，xuyaoshuligenggaodezixinshuiping，gengjiakeguandirenshiziji。

womenbuxuyaoyongzhuiqiuwanmeiyizhengmingzhidebeiai，suoyiwuxurangzijichenjinzaimougerenpipingdeshengyinzhongwufaziba。

zaichengzhangzijideguochengzhong，zuinannengkeguideshichongmanyongqi。

2、树立清晰的底线

zuijinzaixiaofangshenshangjiufashenglezheimeyijianshi：

zaipengyoudeshengrijuhuishang，xiaofangrenshileyigenanhaixiaowen，lianggerenliaodehenshitouyuan。

 zaiyiciourandeqingkuangxia，xiaowenshuoxiangsongtaliwu。xiaofangweiwandihuijuele。danxiaowensanfanjicidejianchi，bingshuochulegezhongliyou。danxiaofanghaishijianchihuijuele。

 houlaiguolebujiu，xiaowenzaiciwenxiaofangdedizhi，shuoxiangsongjitayigeshengdanliwu。erlianggerendeguanxiqueshimeidaoneiyibu，xiaofangmingquebiaoshishuobingbutaixiangshoudaoliwu，erduifangquelvcizhaojihuijianchi。

zheiyixingweizhongyuyinfalexiaofangdefangan，yerangtakaishihuaiyiduifangdezhenshidongji。

duiyugushizhongdexiaofanglaishuo，tadedixianjiushizaiguanxiweidaoqian，buqingyijieshoubierendeliwu。

tashuo，zaimingquejujuehou，haisanfanwucideyaodizhijiushisaoraole。

mingquezijidedixian，jiushigengqingxidezhidaoruhezuoziji。dangbierenlvcitajinzijidedixian，yaojiandingwomendelichang。

cishi，duifangdefanyinggengrongyibaoluchuzijidezhenshiyitu。

jujueyexuhuirangduifangshoushang，danshiwomenyinggaimingbai，duifangshoushangshiduifangxuyaoqumianduidewenti，buyinggaiyouwomenlaifuze。

 dangfaxianguanxizhongduifangbingfeizhenxin，ershiyousuoqitushijishichoushen。fouzeyierzaizaiersandechenmo，jiangshiduansongzijirenshengdechengben。

guanyuzheiyidian，zhengrujiekesensuoshuo：

nidebianjieyishiyueqiang，tamenjiuyuewufacongnishenshanglaodaohaochu，zuihouzhihuifennuliqu。

 xiangfan，wanquanmeiyouzijidebianjie，huizaibeiqinfanshiyehunranbuzhi，jineryibubusangzijizaiguanxizhongdezhudaoquan。yegengrongyizuanjinbieyouyongxinzhedetaolu。

3、爱对方之前，先爱自己

duiyiduanjiankangdeguanxibaochiqingxiderenzhi，bingshuliqingxidedixian，shibimianzaiaizhongmishiziwodeyouxiaofangshi。

yiduanjiankangdeguanxishinengziyangshuangfang，bicizaiaizhongdedaochengzhang，tongshibaochishuangfangdedulixing。

 jiuxiangneijuhua，haodeaiqingrangnikanjianzheigeshijie，huaideaiqingrangnifangqizheigeshijie。aiqingyinggaishiziyoupingdenghexianghuchengzhangdeguanxi，erbushibianchengbupingdengdecongshuguanxi。

aishifenxiang，erfeizhanyou。

 neixinmeiyouai，quequanrandejichuai，jichudewangwangshiyaliheqidai；erwanquanjiangzhuyilifangzaiduifangshenshang，yechangchangshiwomenzaiaizhongmishiziwo。

suoyi，aiduifangzhiqian，xianaiziji。

rangxinzhongchongmanai，keyicongkanjianbingxinshangzijidemougeyoudiankaishi。

rangxinzhongchongmanai，ranhouyuanyuanbuduandecongshentilimanyi。

 pengyouyuanyuanjiucengshuo，zaizhenzhengaizijizhiqian，zhiyaobierentidaoxiangguan“hei”deziyan，tadouhuilimaduihaoruzuo，juedeshibushibierenzaijifeng。danhoulai，wokaishigandaoyuanyuanshenshangsanfazheyizhongzixinwennuandecichang。

 zaiwenjitaduiziji“heipifu”dekanfa，“haoxiangzicongjieshouzijideheizhihou，ganjuegengxihuanzijile。shenzhihaiyourenwenwoshuo，haoxianmuwodeheipifu，shizenmebapifushaichengzheigedude。”tawanpidehahadaxiaodao。

shulijiankangdezizunshuipingheqingxidebianjie，jiushiduizijiyouyigeqingxirenzhideguocheng。

 mingbaiyiduanjiankangdeguanxijuyouxianghuchengzhangheshuangfangdedulixing，duizijibaochijingxing，jiuhuiyujianjiankangdeguanxi，zaiaizhongjiankangdechengzhang。

作者 | 柳橙芝