为男人付出那么多，这样才能避免自我感动

“nizaiganqinglidefuchuzhishigandongleniziji，doubushiwoxiangyaode。”

zaiqingchunouxiangjuli，womenchanghuikandaozheiyangdeduihua：weileni，wogaibianlezheimeduo，nibuxihuandewodoubuzuole，nixihuandedongxiwodouzaixue，niweishenmehaishikandoubukanwo，wonalibibushangta，daodiwoyaozenmezuonicainengxihuanwo。

liru：jintianzizixiabandezao，teyiqutaaichideneijianxiaochaodiandianmailetazuiaichidecai，fangzaicanzhuoshangxiangrangtahaohaokuakuaziji，keshitahuidaojiahoudandandekanleyiyan，shuoleyiju：“xiexieqinaide，xinkule”，zheirangzizihenweiqunanguo。

zizishuo：“huanzuoshiwo，ruguoduifangweilezijizuozheixieshiqing，huijuedehengandong，chaogandongdeneizhong，gandongdaoliulei。”

wowenzizi：“suoyinixiwangtayenengxiangniyiyang，kandaoniweitadefuchugandongdaoliulei?”zizimeiyouhuidawodewenti，woyoujialeyiju：“nizheimezuoqueshishigandongleniziji，danzheizhonggandongbuyidingshiheta。”

zizikandaodeshitaduizijidefuchuheguyiweitazhizuojingxibiaoxianchudemoshi。ermeiyouzaiyidao，tayijinghenjiubuchizheijiadiandezheidaocaile，tayijingbuxuyaole。

neime“lianaiguanxizhong，zenmebimianziwogandong?”guanyuzheiyiwenti，rexinwangyoushizheimehuidade：wozuoleneimeduo，niweishenmehaibuzenmeyang!

zheijiushiziwogandongzuichangjiandezhuangtai!

pingshenmenizuolejiudejinihuiying?

nidefuchudaodishibushiwoxuyaodeni?

yiduanganqingzenyangbimianziwogandong。zongjie：niyouneimeduoshijianlaiziwogandong，daoburuyongzheixieshijianlaichongshiziji，haohaobazijibiandeyouxiu。

zheigehuidaqueshihenzaili，kewomenhaishiyaoyoudiancaozuoxingdezuofalai，rangzijibimianzhangqixianzaizheigequanquanli。

01

不要沉迷在“我认为好”、“我觉得可以”里

jiuxiangshangmiananlizhongzizineiyang，nandedezaoxiaban，qulijiashiwanbaqianlidedifang，jibanlvmaitaxihuandeneijiadiandeneidaocai，juedebanlvkendinghuigandongsi，huigandongdeliulei，jieguohuanlaideshiyijudandande：“xiexieqinaide，xinkunile。”

zizidezheizhongxiangfa、caiyi，yuanziyubasuoyoudouyi“ziji”weichufadian，“tarenweihao”dejiushihaode，“tajuedekeyi”dejiushikeyide，meiyouzhanzaiduifangdejiaoduxiang，meiyoukaolvdaobanlv。

zheijiuhewomenpingchangshuode“buyaobanidexiangfaqiangjiazaibierendeshenshang，neidoushinidexiangfa，bushibierende，zheishiyizhonghenzisidexingwei。”

shuodeyanzhongdianjiushi“qingganbangjia”，jiuhaoxiang“woduinihaole，nijiuyaoduiwohao”，ruguozheigexintaianshidebudaoxiangyaodefankui，neizizideqianyishijiuhuishi：woweitazhunbeidejingxi，tawudongyuzhong，shibushibuaiwole，xianqiwole，nilewole。

zheizhongxiangfazuizaodelaiyuankenengjiushiyuanyuwomendehaiershidai，fumuzonghuidazhe“weinihao”dexiangfa，bipowomenzuowomenbuxiangzuodeshiqing、chibuxiangchidedongxi、xuebuxiangxuededongxi，dangwomenfankangdeshihou，jiuhaoxiangwomenhenbudongrenqing，bulijietamen，budongtamendeyongxinliangku。

kedangwomenjieshoudeshihouneixinshizenmexiangdeni?

zheishiwomenxiangyaodema?kaixinma?kuailema?haishibeipojieshou?ganshoushiyimoyiyangde。

zheishiwomenyaoxuehuihuanweisikao，tiaochu“woyiwei”、“wojuede”deziwoquanquanli，zhongxindingyizheigegainian。zaisuoyouganqingzhongde“woyiwei”、“wojuede”kansishi“weilenihao”，shizeshizuishangren。

mingmingjiushiwomenzijidexiangfa，quexiangyaoanzaibierendeshenshang，ranhougaosubieren“nikanwoduodongni，shibushihengandongde?”

youshihouwomenrenweidehao，jinjinshiwomenrenweide，jiuhaoxiangshitamingmingxiangyaodeshipingguo，erwomenjileduifangyixiangcaomei，zheijiushigandonglewomenziji，quebushiduifangxiangyaode。

lianggerenyaoduoqugoutonghejiaoliu，dakaizijidexin，rangbicijianjianzoujinduifang，zhaodaoduifangdexuqiu，mosuochugengshihebicixiangchudemoshi。

02

学会平衡期望值

bierenxihuanhexuyaodeshipingguo，pengqiaowomenshiyizhuzhucaomei。erwomenyouqiaqiaoxiangsongcaomeijineigeren，bacaomeifangqutajiamenqian，jiangjingraojiangdaoxianduneizuixiao，zaizijikeyijieshoudefanweinei，gaosuziji，caomeisongchuquhou，suitachuzhi，jintuidoubuqiangqiu，jizijiliuyoutuilu，yejiduifangliuyigetaijie。

zheibushibuzaihuduifangdeganshou，ershiwomenfazineixinzunzhongbierenchulicaomeidejueding。

womendechufadianyinggaishi，shifangzijixuyaoshifangdeqinggan，yiqiuxintaibushiheng，yebuwensuoqu，jinkenengdejishuangfangliuyoukongjian。

ruguowomenpaoquqiaoduifangdemen，ranhoushijingbacaomeiwangrenjiawulisai：woxinkujiedecaomeidoushiweilenia!nandaonibugandongma!

zheishiwomenyaozhuyile，zheili“gandong”yicideyanwaizhiyijiuhuishi“nigandongleneinijiuyaoshouxia，bushouxiaduideqiwojinixinkujiedecaomeima?duideqiwoduinideqingfenma?niyaojiwozuitongyangdehuikuicaixing，yinweiwojiushizhuanmenlaigandongnidee!”

zheishi“gandong”shiyigedongci：chufadianshiqiangqiuduifang，nikanwogandongnileba，woyizhidouzaiweinifuchue，nishibushiyinggaitongyangyaoaishangwo，weiwofuchuni?

zheizaibierendeyanzhongkenengjiushiwuliao、qiangpo、yalihewunai。

renwuwanren，zaiyidingjieduanneichuxianwuliaode“ziwogandong”qishishihenzhengchangde，danyaozaixiangduiduandeshijiannei，youyishibingjishijiaozhengguolaijiuhaole。bijingwuliaode“ziwogandong”huijiduifangzaochengjingshenshangdeyali，rongyijiqinifanxin，tongshibierenxihuandeshipingguo，congweiyaoqiuguoyaocaomei。

03

感情从来都不是单向付出

womenyizhidouzhidao，ganqingshishuangxiangdehudong，conglaibushidanxiangdefuchu。

keershiwoyiqiandeshiyou，shiyigechuantongdenvhai，pingshijieshoudejiaoyujiushi，zaixuexiaoyaohaohaoxuexi，buyaolangfeiqian，suoyitadeshenghuojiushikeshi—tushuguan—shitang—sushe，sidianyixian。

turanyouyitiantakaishifengkuangaoyelianmaikaihei，meitianhaichangbaozheshoujishahuhudixiao，shenzhihaikaishirushouhuaban、huazhuangpindeng，xuexihuihua，zhoumochumenhaihuilujingzhidezhuangrong，dabandemeimeida。

zheiyangdezhuangtaichixulejigeyue，zaiwomendouyiweitazhongyuzhaodaoletademr.rightzhunbeiyaojikeersongshangzhufushi，tayouturanbahuaban、huazhuangpin、huabangezhizaiyipang，youhuidaoleyiqiansuyanchaotian，sidianyixiandeshenghuo。

 houlaidezhi，tahenanshengbiaobaihoucaifaxian，yuanlaitaxihuandenanshengzhishibatadangzuopengyoueryi，tadexinliyijingzaidengbiedenvshengle。

zheiliwomenkandaodeshi，keerzaibuduandiweilezheiduanyiweideganqingzaigaibian，danmeiyoukandaonanshengzuoleshenme，zheijiushiyizhongkeer“yiwei”deaiqing，shizhishizijidanxiangdefuchuqieyongcuolexin，zuihougandongdaodebushinanshengershiziji。

shuangshuangzaihenanpengyouquerenguanxihou，kaishiduinanpengyouyuelaiyuehao，yishizhuxing360duwusijiaodizhaogu，nanshengbuduandizaixiangshou。zuihoudejieguoshi，nanshengbeichonghuaile，yiyoudianbushunxinjiumaiyuan。shuangshuangaochenglebaomuhaishimeiyoumanzudaonanpengyouneixinwuqiongjindeyuwang，zuizhongdefenshouliyouduobanshiyinweimeiyoulexinxiangan。

beifenshouhou，shuangshuangbusiqisuo，shizhongxiangbumingbai，weishenmewoweitafuchulezheimeduo，taquecanrendipaoqilewo?weiletasheqilezheimeduo，woruciaita，nandaotazhendeshiyidiandouganjuebudaoma?haohendexin。

huidaoganggangdeanlizhong，ganqingliconglaidoubushidanxiangfuchu，ershishuangxianghudong，shuangshuangdeganqingligaosuwomendeshi：shuangshuangzaibuduandefuchu，bazijirenweihaodedoujinanpengyou，ernanpengyouzaibutingdezuoxiangqicheng，xiangzhezheiqishibingbuxuyaode“hao”，zuizhongyiliangrenyanjuanledefangshijieshu。

ganqingbingbushishuoyifangfuchuyueduo，liangrendeganqingjiuyuewengule，ershiyaoshuangfangdoufuchu，qiefuchuzaiduidedifang，xuyaodedifang，“ziwogandongshidefuchu”wangwangjiushitianpingshihengdekaishi，yeshizaiwanghouganqingmaixialiehen。

meihaodeaiqingshizhongkaodebushiyigerenfeiepuhuodefuchu，ershikaolianggerenxishuizhangliudehudongweixi。

ruguowomenyouyixiangdecaomei，dantaxihuandeyijiushipingguo，tabuhuiyinweiwomenjiletayixiangdecaomeierbiandeaichicaomei，buyongqubaoyuantadewudongyuzhong，yinweitabushiwomen，tawufatihuiyongyouyixiangcaomeidexingfugan，jiuruwomenwufatihuitaweishenmexihuanpingguodexingfugan。

suoyoudefuchuyaoyongzaidaorenshang，caishiyouwuyousuozhi，taiaiyigeren，jiuxiangbasuoyouzirenweihaodedoujiduifang，erduifangyehuiyincigandaoyali、beidongcongerluohuangertao，womenqueyoushenxian“ziwogandong”zhongwufaziba。zheishiyizhongbing，bixuyaohenhendizhi。

作者|曾婷婷