始终放不下前任，原来竟是这样上瘾的？！

 zaiwojiechudeanlizhong，youzheimeyileinvsheng，tamentongguoxuexihefenxi，yijingfaxianguoqudebanlvbushihetamenzheigeshishi，erqietamenyuqianrenzhijiandelianjieyequeshinanyizhongjian，tamenjuedingfangqi，danhennanfangxiaguoqu，wulunyoumeiyouxindejiaowangduixiang，tamenzongshijingchanghuainianqiqianren，zheilingtamenhenkunao。erzaishenghuozhong，“fangbuxiaguoqu”yeshihenduorendexinjie，jintianlaoshijiuhedajialiaoliaofangxiazheijianshi。

01

为什么人会放不下过去？

 yingguoyuguandiaochawangcengzuoguoyixiangdiaocha，jieguoxianshi55%deshoufangqunzhongbiaoshitamenjuedeshenghuoburucongqian，erzhiyou11%derenbiaoshirizizaiyueguoyuehao。kezheijiujingshiweishenmeni？

1、过去能给人带来一种掌控感和安全感

 dangwomenhuiyiqiguoqudeshihou，wulunshikankehuoshunli，womendoujishaoyouhenqiangdeqingxubodong，huanjuhuashuo，womenjuedeziji“kefuleguoqu”。

 neishihoudetongkuhexinsuan，daoxianzaihuiyiqilai，yemeiyouneimeqianglie，shenzhiyoushihouhainengdangchengwanxiao，yejiushishuo，jiusuanguoqushixiaojide(birufenshou、chugui、shoushanghai)，zaiwomendehuiyili，yehuibiandejiji。

 zheinengrangwomenyouyizhongzhangkongganheanquangan，buduanzhongfudehuiyihexiangqi，jiuhuijiashenzheiyangdeganjue，yuelaiyueshangyin，xingchengleisiqiangposinianyiyang，daozhiqingbuzijinwufaziba。jiuhaoxiangzaicihuidaoguoqu，womenjiunenggouzhengjiudangshideziji。

zheiyangdesiweirangwomenwubihuainianguoqu，shenzhixiwanghuidaoneishihou，fangdaoganqingli，jiushiquwanhui。

2、“第一次”带来的快乐总是那么无法忘记

 shehuixintaixuezhongdebeibodinglvbiaoshi：womenzhiyouzaichucitiyanyijianshideshihou，tajiyuwomendecijicaishizuiqiangliede。raner，zheizhongjijitiyanhuisuizhewomenjiechutadecishudezengjiazhujianxiaotui。

 yejiushishuo，womenjiechudeqingganyueduo，womentiyandaodebodongyejiuyuexiao，shenzhijianjianquxiangfawei，zheiyeshiweishenmehoulaihenduoqitananrenwufajitamendailai“ganjue”deyuanyin。

02

什么样的人容易放不下过去？

1、悲观主义者

 beiguanshiyizhongzongshiqidaibulianghouguodejingshenzhuangtai，huozheyizhongxiangxinzaishenghuozhong，ezongshishengguoshan，kunnanzongshiduoguoxiangshoudexinnian。

 beiguanzhuyizhedetedianjiushiduiweilaibaoyoumomingdexiaojiqidai，haoxiangweilaiyidingjiushibuhaode，erqietamenxiangxinzijiwuligaibianzheizhongweilai。

 xiaoqinjiushiyigedianxingdebeiguanzhuyizhe，tacengzaizixunlihewoshuo：“laoshi，buzhidaoweishenme，wojiujuedeyihouwodeganqingdouhuizoubushun，dajiadoushuoqiannanyouyijinghenaiwole，zheidoubeiwoganzoule，neiwohesheihainengxiangchudelai？”

 beiguanzhuyizhegengqingxiangyurenwei，haodeshiguangyijingguoqule，weilaizhihuiyougengduodecuozheheshanghai，suoyitamenhuibennengdihuainianguoqu，chenjinzaiguoqude“meihao”dangzhong。

2、完美主义者

 wanmeizhuyizhehuainianguoqugengduoshixiwangzijinenggougaibianguoqu，jiuxiangshangmianmiaoshudaodezhangkongganheanquanganyiyang，tamenneixinrenwei：ruguowozaozhidaohuibianchengzheiyang，woyidingbuhuixiangdangshineiyangquzuo！

zaitamenxinzhong，guoqujiuxiangshiyigeweiwanchengdexinyuan，qiangliedeyihanganrangtamenjiujiubunengshihuai，yincihennanfangxiaguoqu。

 wodepengyouxiaoxiangjiushizheimeyiweiwanmeizhuyizhe，taheqiannanyoufenshouhou，meitiandouzaixieriji，tagenwofenxiangwotaderijiben，woculvedikanlekan，dagaiyibanyishangdeneirongdoushizaihuainianguoqudehao，shituhuidaoguoquzhizhineishihoudeziji。

 leisi“wohaoxianggaosuneishihoudeziji……”“ruguowonenggouzaineishihouzhuazhutadeyijiao，rangtaliuxia……”jihumeitiandouhuichuxian。

3、缺乏社会支持的人

“woshenbianmeiyousheinenglingwoqidai，suoyiwojingchangxiangqita……”shizheileirenqunzuichangchuxiandegankai。

 quefashehuizhichideren，huiyouhenqiangdekongxugan，zaidangxiadeshenghuolizhaobudaoyiyi，yemeiyouqinjindepengyouhuoyixingziyuanpeibantamen，shenzhilianqingsudequdaodoumeiyou。

 duiyutameneryan，huiyizijideguoqu，rangzijishibushidi“huidao”guoquneigeshikong，shitamennenggouzaidangxiaduanzantiyandaodeyiyigan，bingqiezheihuijingchangzhongfu。 qinggannantihenxinlei？10skuaisushenqingqingganzhenduan！

03

如何正确地放下过去？

1、转换看待过去的思维：从“失去了什么”变成“得到了什么”。

失去了我最爱的人；

shiqulezhoumoyiqigongjinwancandetianmishiguang；

shiqulewanshangshuijueqiandeneiyishengwanan；

shiquleduiweilaimeihaodechongjing

……

ruoguoquduiwomendeyiyijinjinzhishizheixie，neiwomenzenmekenengbuhuainianguoquni？

shishishang，womenzaiguoqukeyidedaohenduoyouyiyidexinxi：

suiranshiqulezuiaideren，danwomenduiaiqingdelijiegengjiashenkehechengshu；

suiranyaomianduifenshoudetongkuhegudu，danwomenkeyiweizijideaiqingzhongxinxuanzehejueding；

suiranshiquleyigenanguoshideyongbao，danwomengengjiakanqinglezijidebuzu。

dangwomenyouyishidizongjiezijishenshangdejijibianhuashi，womenduishenghuodemanyiduhexingfuganyehuidedaotisheng。

 yinci，xiangyaogenghaodifangxiaguoqu，nixuyaotixingzijiquguanzhuhesikaoguoqudaijiwomendeshouhuo，bingqiegaosuziji，zheixieshouhuohenishiqudedongxitongyangzhenguihezhongyao。

ruguomeiyouzheixieshouhuohefansi，womenmeiyoubanfabiandegenghao。

guoqujixianzaideyiyi，jiushirangweilaibuzaizhongfuguoqu。

2、多去尝试和体验“第一次”

 wokanguohenduoren，tamentandemeiyiduanlianai，dougenshangyiduanzhongfuzuozheyiyangdeshiqing，yiyangdechucijianmian，yiyangdebiaobai，yiyangdeshenghuoxiguan，yiyangdejieriguofa，yiyangdezhengchaomaodun……

shiwenmeiyicizhongfudeshihou，shibushidouhuixiangqi“diyici”deneigenanhai？

jidecengjingyouyiweilaifangzhejiwoxieguoyifengxin，limianyouyigeduanluoxiedao：

 “woxuanzezaiyigehenmoshengdegongyuanjianlezheigexinrenshidenanhai，hetaquwanlewoconglaibuganchangshidetiaolouji，changshirangtajiwozuofanchi，zaiwonanguodeshihourangtagenwoyiqikanxijupian，haitiyanlehenduochichibuganquzuodeshi。

 duile！wohaihuanleyigebierendoushuohennankandefaxing。wocengjingyiwei，meiyicilianaidoushiyiyangde，danxianzaiwobuzheimerenweile，yinweiwobuxianghuozaiguoqule。”

 womencengjingzuoguodeshishubushengshu，danmeiyoutiyanguodedongxiyeyuelaiyueduo，zhiyaowomenshaoweitachuzijideshushiqu，buzaituifeiditangzaizijizuishuxidedidai，baochihaizidetongzhenyuhaoqi，duimeiyijianshiwuhemeiyirendouyonggandiqutansuohechangshi，zhizaoyuelaiyueduode“diyici”，zheixietiyanzuizhonghuidainihuidaoxianzai，fangxiaguoqu。

3、寻找新的支持

 fangbuxiaguoquyeyiweizheshiquzhichengdangxiadeliliang，jihumeiyiweilaiwanhuiqianrendelaifangzhedouhuiwenwo：“wobuzhidaoxianzaiyinggaizenmeban？”jibianlianggerendejinzhanhenshunli，jibianduifangzhishizaikaihuiwanhuixiaoxiyihui，henduorenhaishihuibuzhisuocuo。

 woshizhewentamen：“ruguoxianzai，duiyutanishenmeyezuobule，nizhinengdengdai，niyoumeiyouxiangguoquweizijizuoxieshenme？”henduorendedaandoushibuzhidao。

 yibanzheizhongqingkuang，wohuirangtamenquzhaoshenbianzuiqinjin、bingqiebuhuipingpantamendepengyouqingsu，congpengyouneilihuodezhichi，youxiepengyouhuijiaoshangtayiqiqujuhuihuodong，youxiepengyouhuihetayiqiguangguangjie。

danbuguanzenmeyang，tadouzhaodaole“xianzainengweizijizuodeshi”。

suoyi，xunzhaoxindezhichihenzhongyao，henduoshihou，wentibunengyigerenkang。

zuihou，yuanmeiyigerendounengbubeiguoqushufu，huozaidangxia，zhaodaorenshengdexiangwangheyiyi，tiyanaiqingdemeihaohewennuan。