为什么男生追你时那么用心，现在分手却这么狠心？

 zaizixunzhong，youyiweilaifangzheshilianle，tashuo：“pingshenmeduifangzhuiwoshi，neimeyongxin，xianzaifenshouquezheimehenxin。”shuozheshuozhe，tajiukule。

zaizixunzhong，jingchangyudaolaifangzhewenleisidewenti，“pingshenmetaxianzaijiukeyizheiyangduiwole”。

zheizhongqingkuang，duoshiyouyutamendebianjieganbugouqingxi，jintian，woxianglaitantanbianjieganzheigezhuti。

ruguonijuededuifangzenmezheimemeilimao，ranhounihuiyuexiangyuebukaixin，yuexiangyueshengqi，neijiushuomingnidebianjiejiaodianmohule。

 niyidanbabianjieyiwaideshiqing，dangchengshigerenbianjieyineideshiqinglaizuo，nixiangkongzhijieguo，yibankongzhibule，nideqingxujiulaile。

ruguonirenwei，nidesuoyouqingxufanyingshiyinduifangerchansheng，danduifangbingmeiyouyiwulairangnigandaogaoxing。

 tingqilaihenrangrenbushufu，danzheigeshishishi，yinweiwomenmeigerenzhinengguanlizijibianjieneideshiqing，bianjiewaideshi，shuyutarendexintaibianjie，wufabeiwomenzhangkong。

03

如何保持边界感？

 womenxiangyongyouxingfu，bixuyaoxuehuibaochibianjiegan。duizijidezeren100%dechengdan，yebuganyuduifangdefenneishi，youzugounenglirangzijikaixin，tongshihainengdaidongduifangbiandekaixin，qinmiguanxiherenjiguanxijiuhuibiandehenqingsongjiandanle。

1)分清自己的边界

yigerenxiangbaochibianjiegan，xuyaojinji：niyaoqufenhao，shenmeshinideshi，shenmeshitadeshi。

jiuxiangshangmiandelizi，nideshishizhaotaliaotianhedengdaihuifu，haiyoudiaozhenghaozijixinqing。

 ertadeshi，zeshijuedingyaobuyaohuifuniheshenmeshihouhuifuni。zhiyushuotadehuifunengbunengrangnigandaokaixinhefannao，neibushitadezeren。

2)百分之百承担边界内的事情

duiyulizi，womenjinyibuquganshou，youyixierenhuoxunihuishuo：huifubierenxinxi，shiyizhonglimaoa！

womenchangchangjuedezuoyigeyoulimaoderen，bixuhuifuduifangdexinxi，sihuwomenbuzheimezuojiushibuyouhaole。

 wentishi，duifangkenenghuijuedemeibiyaoxingshizheizhonglimao，yinweitashizaixingshitadequanli。tayouxuanzebuhuifudequanli，jiushizaizijidebianjieneizuoshi，zheizhongzuofayemeiyouzhudongqinfanwomendexintaibianjie。

youshihou，bierenlini，henzhengchang；bierenbulini，yehenzhengchang。

 womendexintaiyuqi，bingbushiduifangbixuyaozunshoudexingweizhunze，fouzejiufanxiabaduifangdexintaibianjie，dangchengshizijidexintaibianjiedecuowu，hunxiaole。

3)不要侵犯对方的边界

 henduonanshengzaizhuiqiunvshengdeshihou，duinvshengsichanlanda，huijiduifangdailaihendadekunrao，qishizheishiyizhongyuejiedekongzhixingweile。

 nanshengxiwangtongguoziwogandongshidefuchu，laihuanquduifanghuikuihaogandekongzhiquan，zheijiushibianjiebuqingxi，buchengshudeganqingbiaoxian。

 woyeyudaohenduodelaifangzheshixiangzuoqingganwanhuide，zaiwanhuideguochengzhong，henduorenyinweiqingxubuwending，xuqiuganhenqiang，danxinduifanghebierenkaishixindeganqing，changchanghuisichanlandadezhaoduifang。

erzheizhongzuofa，yixiebangzhudoumeiyou。

 yinweilianggerenduoshiyinweiyouyifangmeiyou“chengzhang”erfenkaide，xianzaihaishiyong“meichengzhang”defangshichuli，yezhishijiangduifangtuideyuelaiyueyuan。

lianggerendeguanxichuxianlewenti，dajiadexinqingdoubutaihao，ruguoqinfanduifangdebianjie，huijiduifangzhizaochuxindewenti。

zhengquedezuofa，shixianzuohaozijinenggoukongzhideshiqing，qitadezaishiqingkuangerding。

 ruguoniyizuohaozijidebenfen，biaoxianchuyinggaiyoudelimaohexingweishi，duifangdetaiduyiranhaishizheimegaoaohelengmo，neijiubushinigerendewenti，shiduifangdewentile。

zheishinibubiguoyujiehuai，keyixuanzelikaizheizhongren，renshiyigegenghaodeyuanyidalinideyixingduixiangdeng。

4)守住自己的边界

 yijiagongsiyouduogebufen，gegebumenyougeziduli，yeyouhezuo，danshibenbumendeshiqingyidingshizijibubumenchulide，birucaiwubudejiubuhuiganyuchanpinburuheyanfachanpin，yanfabuyebuguancaiwubudefenneishi。zheijiushigezibaochibianjie。

 zaizixunzhong，wofaxianhenduoxinhunfuqirongyishoufumuyingxiang，bushaofumutai“guanxin”haizimen，huixiangcanyudaoxiaojiatingdeshiwuzhong，jiushifumubianjiebuqingxidebiaoxian。

 ruguonizujianxiaojiatingle，nishixiaojiatingdezhuren，nideshiqingyounichuli，keyishouzhubianjie，wanjufumu，“womenzhangdale，womenxiaojiatingdeshiqing，womenlaichuli，babamamanimenfangxinhaole。”

 zaiganqingli，shikebaochijuezhi，qingxibianjie，nengjiandingdibaochibianjie，burangduifangqinfannidebianjie，yebuyaoganyuduifangdefenneishi，bicizunzhong，yongxinduidai，caikenengjingyingxingfushufudeguanxi。

文|咨询师·若水